Going through a breakup can be heartbreaking and devastating, especially if it’s not something you wanted, or you didn’t see it coming. Learning how to find happiness after a breakup can feel impossible in those early days.
A breakup does not define you, it’s something that’s happened to you. It’s not who you are. How you perceive your breakup and respond to it can make all the difference to how you heal and move forward.
It’s important to take all the time you need to heal and this is different for everyone. At some point you’ll be ready to let go of the past and to start moving on with your life. It can be an opportunity to reassess what you want and create a new future. One where you can be happy again. So much growth can come from the challenges and adversities we face in life if we’re willing to reflect and learn from them.
How to Find Happiness After a Breakup: 10 Things That Can Help
1.Take the time to heal
The end of a long term relationship can be one of the most stressful and emotionally difficult experiences you go through. It’s important you take the time to process your emotions and heal before you try to move on. If you don’t deal with your emotions they’ll just come back to bite you later on when you’re least expecting it. It may feel uncomfortable but try to sit with your emotions when they come up rather than using distraction techniques such as working long hours, partying hard or self-medicating with drugs or alcohol.
2. Consciously think about who you spend your time with
Studies in Positive Psychology have shown that emotions are contagious, so consciously think about who you’re spending your time with. Surround yourself with people who light you up and make you feel good about yourself. Their positivity will rub off on you.
Limit your time spent with the ‘mood hoovers’ in your life. You know the ones, they suck the life out of you and just want to hear the ins and outs of what’s going on. Constantly going back over what’s happened can reconnect you with all those difficult emotions.
3. Practice gratitude daily
Gratitude can be a useful tool when you’re trying to find happiness again after a breakup. It can help shift your focus towards the positive things that are still present in your life, even when you’re going through a difficult time.
Keep a list of 3 things you’re grateful for every day for at least 3 weeks, and notice whether it starts to make a difference in how you feel.
4. Focus on your health
This is crucial when you’re going through a breakup and you’re under a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. Try and move your body every day, even if it’s just getting outside for a 10-minute walk.
Alongside this, nourish your body with good quality food and make sure you get enough sleep. If you’re struggling with sleep, then try and get into a good bedtime routine.
Make sure you’re giving yourself enough time to rest and restore so that your body can recover from all the stress. If this doesn’t come naturally to you then plan the time in your diary.
5. Brainstorm what makes you happy.
It’s easy to lose sight of what brings you joy and happiness when you’re going through a breakup. This is especially true if you’ve been in a difficult relationship or you’re used to putting everyone else first.
Take the time to think about the following: What do you love doing? What makes you laugh? Who do you love to spend time with? Think about what you’ve always wanted to do, or something you couldn’t do when you were in your relationship. Then start to actively plan some of these activities into your day and week.
Learning how to find happiness after a breakup doesn’t have to involve making huge changes. Sometimes it’s about gradually reconnecting with the things and people that make you feel more like yourself again.
6. Practice self-compassion
This is especially important when you’re going through a traumatic time in your life such as a breakup. In times like this it’s easy to start criticising yourself and being negative. You might be telling yourself that you’re a failure, not good enough or it was all your fault.
What you actually need is forgiveness, gentleness and compassion. Self-compassion means showing yourself the same level of compassion that you’d show to someone else and taking time to look after yourself. Ask yourself this empowering question: ‘How do I feel right now and what do I need?’
7. Look at what you’ve learnt
This isn’t something you need to do in the early stages of a breakup. When you’re hurting, you don’t need to look for a silver lining or convince yourself that something good has come from it.
But with time, you may begin to recognise things you’ve learnt or ways you’ve grown as a result of what you’ve been through.
What have you learnt from the experience? What strengths have you developed? Is there anything you understand about yourself now that you didn’t before? And what could you take forward into your future life and relationships?
None of this means you have to be grateful for what happened. It’s about recognising what you’ve learnt from it.
8. Let go of what you don’t want to carry with you
Forgiveness can be part of letting go, whether that’s forgiving yourself, your ex or both. This doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing any bad behaviour.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the other person. It helps to reduce the levels of psychological distress and release all the negative emotions that you may be carrying.
Writing a letter to your ex, that you don’t give to them, can be helpful. It can give you a way to process what has happened and say the things you need to say, without reopening communication with them.
9. Create a Breakup Bucket List
One of the most difficult things about life after a breakup can be imagining what your future will look like without your ex. This can be overwhelming, especially if it’s not something you wanted.
Take some time to visualise what your ideal life would look like and get really specific. This helps you to identify what you really want and then you can start working towards it.
Create your Breakup Bucket List of everything you want to do and achieve. Make sure there are lots of things on there that bring you joy and happiness.
10. Set yourself goals
Going through a breakup can be overwhelming. Your life’s been turned upside down and the future you thought you had has been ripped away from you. There are also all the practical challenges of going through the breakup itself.
Set yourself some goals that you can work towards which will help to give you some focus and a sense of achievement. Don’t worry about focusing too far into the future at this point in time. Just take one day at a time if that’s all that feels manageable at this stage.
Finding Happiness and Moving Forward After a Breakup
A breakup can feel like your whole life has collapsed, especially if you didn’t see it coming. But it doesn’t have to define you.
Learning how to find happiness after a breakup takes time. These 10 steps aren’t about pretending it doesn’t hurt or rushing yourself to move on. They’re about taking small actions that help you heal, reconnect with yourself and gradually begin to imagine a future you can feel excited about again.
Your life after a breakup may look very different from the future you’d originally imagined. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a happy one.
Ready to start feeling more like yourself again?
If you’re going through a breakup or divorce and wondering what comes next, you don’t have to work it all out at once.
Download my free guide, Make Divorce the Best Thing That’s Ever Happened to You, for practical tools to help you take back control, rebuild your confidence and start creating a life that feels like yours again.
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