Divorce enquiries in the UK surged by 40% after lockdown – and it’s no surprise. For some couples, the extra time together created stronger bonds. For others, it exposed cracks that could no longer be ignored.
If you’ve decided that your relationship can’t be saved, you’re likely feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, and anxious about what comes next. That’s completely normal.
But there are steps you can take right now to feel more in control. The more prepared you are, the smoother the process will be – emotionally, practically, and financially.
15 tips to start preparing for your breakup
These tips will help you to get your head straight and your plan in place.
1. Speak to friends who’ve been through it
It’s impossible to know how you’re really going to feel beforehand so it’s useful to speak to friends who’ve been there. Ask them what’s actually involved, what they struggled with in particular and any advice they wish they’d had beforehand. What would they do differently if they were going through it again?
2. Think about how you’ll tell you partner
If you haven’t already told them or discussed it. Plan a time when you know you’ll be alone with no other distractions. Be kind and think about how they might react, especially if it’s likely to be a shock to them. Be honest and respectful of their feelings. Plan what you want to say and what your reasons are beforehand, so you can say it as calmly as possible.
3. Think about the future living arrangements
Do you need to move out straight away or do you have a spare room for the interim? Think about whether it will be possible to keep sharing the same house in the short term.
4. Discuss with your partner how you’ll tell the kids
You should tell the children together and make sure they know that it’s not their fault and you both still love them. Explain to them what will happen next. Allow plenty of time to answer their questions and to comfort them.
5. Think about the relationship you want with your ex going forward
Start as you mean to go on. How you behave in these early stages is likely to set the scene for the future. If you want to try and keep things amicable, then bear this in mind in how you interact and speak to them. If kids are involved, think about how the child care arrangements could work.
6. Start finding all your financial information
If you’re getting divorced, you’ll need records of your income, debt, assets, pensions and mortgage etc for the financial disclosure. You’ll also need to estimate what you think your future income requirements will be so start preparing a budget. Start a folder to keep all the important documents in.
7. Get your property valued
Use several different estate agents to get different points of view. It helps if you can both agree which agents to use to avoid any potential disagreements.
8. Meet with 3 solicitors if you think you may need to involve them
The type of solicitor you choose will set the tone of your divorce, so bear this in mind. If you’re hoping to separate amicably then don’t choose one with a reputation for being adversarial. Think about whether mediation could work for you. Ask what rates the solicitor charges and a likely budget given your circumstances.
9. Meet with a financial adviser
It helps you to feel in control of the situation if you understand what your current and future financial situation is likely to be. Financial planners have software to model various different scenarios which can support your decision making.
10. Draft a will if you don’t already have one
A will is even more important if there are kids involved and this should be prioritised. You’ll definitely need a will or to change your exiting one once any divorce or breakup is finalised.
11. Find your marriage certificate
You’ll need to submit this as part of the divorce process.
12. Spend time with people who are fun to be around
It’s believed you’re influenced by the 5 people you spend most of your time with, so choose carefully. You won’t want to be around mood hoovers. Instead choose friends and family who make you laugh and lift your spirits.
13. Let yourself experience your emotions
Don’t stuff down your emotions or self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. You’ll experience a whole range of emotions, so be prepared to sit with those rather than avoiding them by working long hours or partying hard. It’s all part of the grieving process and completely normal.
14. Focus on your future instead of dwelling on the past
This can be easier said than done. Start thinking about what you want your future to look like and start getting excited about it. Make a list of everything you want and set yourself some goals. Start taking small steps to get there and it will help to keep you focused.
15. Talk to a divorce coach
They can give you specific tools and techniques to help you cope better during your breakup and ‘hold your hand’ during the process. They can help to reduce the overwhelm and give you clarity on what you want for your future so that you can feel more empowered and in control.
To summarise
Starting a divorce is one of the most emotionally and mentally draining decisions you’ll ever face. But taking practical steps early on can help ease the stress and give you back a sense of control. From organising your finances to deciding how to talk to your kids, every action you take now helps lay the groundwork for a more stable future.
You don’t have to navigate it all alone.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, download my free guide: ‘Make divorce the best thing that’s ever happened to you.’ It’s packed with practical tools and mindset shifts to help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
👉 Get the guide here
Or if you’d prefer to more personalised support with someone to guide you through the process, book your free clarity call and let’s chat about how coaching can help you figure out your next steps with confidence and clarity
👉 Book your call here
