Breakups and divorce don’t just affect your personal life – they hit every part of your day, including your work or business. It’s hard to show up and perform in the way you’re used to when your emotions are all over the place, your sleep’s disrupted, and your energy’s drained. You might be finding it hard to concentrate, feel constantly on edge, or worry that everyone at work is silently judging you.
When I was going through my own divorce, I kept it quiet. I felt ashamed and didn’t want to admit what was happening – even to myself. I felt a failure and thought that people would be judging me and wondering what was wrong with me. In reality that was what I was thinking about myself. I didn’t know anyone who had been through a divorce so it was incredibly isolating.
I thought stepping back from my senior role would be temporary…to give myself the space to heal… but I underestimated how long it would take to feel like myself again. Looking back, I wish I’d had the tools to help me manage better at work – or at least feel less alone. I had a very senior role with a large team to manage and I’d worked really hard to get to that position.
9 tips to help you cope with at work
If you’re struggling to keep it together at work right now, these 9 tips can help you cope and protect your wellbeing, without pretending everything’s fine.
1. Let your boss know what’s going on
It’s important to let your boss know what you’re dealing with so they can offer some flexibility – whether that’s time off for solicitor meetings, counselling sessions, or just space to manage your workload. Keep it professional and share only what you’re comfortable with. Being open can help to avoid misunderstandings and build trust – and it means you didn’t have to pretend everything’s fine when it clearly isn’t.
2. Tell trusted colleagues
Letting a few trusted colleagues know what you’re going through can make a big difference. It helps them understand if you’re quieter than usual, not quite yourself, or need a bit more support. You don’t need to tell everyone or go into detail. In fact, repeating the story can be emotionally draining and may trigger fresh waves of upset which is the last thing you want. The brain processes remembered pain much like it does present pain – so constantly reliving it can make it harder to get through the working day. Keep it brief, set boundaries if needed, and focus on what will help you get through work with as little added stress as possible.
3. Lean on your strong support network outside of work
Work isn’t the best place to process everything you’re feeling – that’s why it’s important to have a strong support system outside the office. Confide in a few close friends or family members who can listen without judgement and offer steady support. Aim for people who won’t try to fix things or give endless advice, but who can just sit with you in it. And make time for the friends who make you laugh – that kind of connection can be a lifeline when everything feels heavy.
4. Don’t use work to numb or avoid your emotions
It might feel easier to throw yourself into work to block everything else out – but be mindful of this. Using long hours or constant busyness to avoid painful emotions only delays the processing you’ll need to do eventually to be able to heal. Other avoidance tactics like drinking more, partying hard, or staying constantly distracted can catch up with you – affecting your performance at work and your emotional wellbeing. It’s ok to find work a helpful distraction at times, but it shouldn’t become a way to bury how you’re really feeling.
5. Use the ’emotional box’ technique to help you focus
When emotions feel overwhelming but you still need to get through the workday, it can help to mentally ‘box them up’ for a while. Picture putting your feelings into a box, closing the lid, and placing it to one side until the end of the day. This isn’t about ignoring your emotions completely – just pressing pause so you can focus on what’s in front of you. Work can sometimes offer welcome structure and routine. Using this technique gives you space to function without being consumed by what’s going on personally.
6. Keep a clear divide between work and personal life
Protect your focus at work by setting firm boundaries around anything divorce-related. Use a separate email account to communicate with your ex or solicitor, so personal messages don’t pop up during the day and derail your concentration. If you need to take calls or respond to messages, try to schedule them outside work hours or during breaks. That way, you’re in control of when you deal with emotional or logistical issues – and you reduce the risk of getting blindsided mid-meeting or mid-task.
7. Move your body – even a little
Exercise is one of the simplest and most effective ways to lift your mood and release stress. When you’re going through a breakup, it’s easy to skip it – but even a short walk can help shift how you feel. Try to get outside during lunch or do something active before or after work. You don’t need to go to the gym or push yourself hard. Just moving your body regularly helps calm your mind, boost your energy, and make the day feel more manageable.
8. Step away when you need to
If things feel overwhelming, give yourself permission to take a short break. Step outside for some fresh air, grab a coffee, or take a few minutes somewhere quiet to reset. You don’t need to push through every moment. A short pause can stop a bad day from spiralling and help you return to your desk feeling more grounded and in control.
9. Consider working with a divorce coach
A divorce coach can help you manage the emotional impact of your breakup so it doesn’t spill over into every area of your life – especially work. You’ll learn practical tools to handle stress, regulate your emotions, and stay focused even when things feel chaotic. Having someone objective to talk to can make all the difference. You don’t have to carry it all on your own – and you don’t have to let your breakup define your professional life.
To summarise
Breakups and divorce take a huge emotional toll – and that impact shows up at work, whether you want it to or not. You’re not imagining it if you’re struggling to focus, feeling disconnected, or falling behind. One report found that divorce lowers an employee’s productivity by 40%, with a further 20% drop even a year later. The ripple effects reach colleagues and managers too – and the financial cost to the UK government has been estimated at £46 billion annually due to family breakdowns.
But there are ways to protect yourself and your performance. From setting boundaries and taking breaks, to leaning on the right support and working with a coach – small steps can make a big difference.
So don’t beat yourself up for finding work hard right now. You’re human. Focus on what you can control, take the pressure off where you can, and know that this won’t last forever.
If you’re struggling to keep going at work while dealing with the emotional fallout of a breakup or divorce, you don’t have to do it alone.
Book a free clarity call and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you cope – so you can feel more focused, less overwhelmed, and start to get back on top of things.
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