January has a reputation for being tough. The festive season is over, the kids are back at school, and reality hits hard. For many, it’s a time of reflection – and for some, a time of reckoning.
In fact, the first working Monday of January is often called “Divorce Day” because family lawyers see a sharp spike in enquiries. The stress of the holidays, financial pressures, and unmet expectations can bring long-standing relationship issues to the surface. For couples who were already struggling, the new year can feel like the final straw.
If your relationship has recently ended, you’re likely reeling from the shock and grieving your loss – whether it was your decision or not. Divorce and separation are among the most emotionally difficult experiences you can go through, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or heartbroken.
But you’re not alone – and you don’t have to do this on your own.
9 Tips to help you cope in the early stages
Here are 9 practical tips to help you cope in the early stages of a breakup.
1. Find support from a friend or family member
It’s really important that you have someone to turn to when you’re feeling low or struggling – which will happen. Think carefully about who you choose to rely on. Often our closest friends and family are too close and invested in the situation to be objective. They won’t necessarily give you the best advice even though their heart will be in the right place. Ask your person up front if it’s ok to call them when you need to – so that you don’t feel like you’re bothering them at the time when you need them most.
2. Get clarity on your finances
A divorce normally means an increase in overall expenses as a result of running a second property and the associated costs of that. Alongside this the existing assets are shared between the couple which can make finances tight. Take some time to look at the new income and outgoings so that you have clarity over your financial situation. Even if you don’t like the situation, at least if you have the clarity, you can take actions towards changing it. If possible, see a Financial Advisor who will be able to support you and many don’t charge for an initial meeting.
3. Engage a solicitor
Iif you feel this is needed. Make sure you see at least 2-3 initially to find one that you gel with. You’ll be sharing a lot of personal information with them, so you need to feel comfortable with them. Also make sure that you ask about a likely cost to make sure it’s within your budget. Don’t forget that there are other options for divorce that can be less expensive, especially if it’s amicable between you.
4. Don’t ignore your feelings
You are grieving the end of your relationship. Allow yourself to experience all your emotions which is necessary as part of the healing process. Yes, it’s awful – but you need to go through this to be able to move on. Don’t try and avoid your emotions by working long hours and losing yourself in work, partying hard or turning to drink or drugs.
5. Take off the rose-tinted glasses
It’s only natural that we romanticise our relationship – especially if we didn’t want it to end. But be honest with yourself – what was wrong with it? What frustrated you, upset you or annoyed you about your ex? Write a list of all the things you weren’t happy with and keep it to hand for those moments when you find yourself upset.
6. Take a break from social media
At least unfollow your ex. The last thing you need to see is posts from them showing what an amazing time they’re seemingly having. A lot of social media isn’t real – people only post the parts of their life that they want you to see. Take a break altogether if you can. It’s time to focus on yourself and your healing.
7. Exercise
This is probably the last thing that you feel like doing at the moment, but it really does make such a difference. It releases all those endorphins which creates the ‘feel good factor’. Exercise was my saviour during my divorce. I would drive to the gym in tears but come out feeling so much better after. Choose an exercise that you love… even if it’s just a walk outside in nature… just get your body moving. Enlist the support of an exercise buddy so that you’ve got someone to motivate you on those days when you’re struggling.
8. Watch your inner critic
We can often be critical of ourselves after a breakup – especially if it wasn’t our decision. We can end up asking ourselves questions such as ‘what’s wrong with me?’ or ‘Why aren’t I good enough?’ Our brain is programmed to come up with an answer when we ask a question so, try and stop yourself asking negative questions like these. Instead ask yourself more empowering questions like ‘What can I do now to make myself feel better” or come up with some positive affirmations that you can say to yourself throughout the day or stick up around the house to remind you.
9. Practice self-care
This is more important than ever and doesn’t necessarily mean a pampering session. What does self-care mean to you? It could be having a cuppa whilst reading your book, going for a run or a yoga class or taking a bath surrounded by candles. Listen to your body and what it needs. Remember that self-care is not selfish. We need to look after ourselves before we can look after anyone else, especially at times like these.
To summarise
Breakups are deeply painful, and in the early days, everything can feel raw, confusing, and heavy. It’s okay if you’re not functioning at full capacity right now – this is a time to take small, manageable steps to support your emotional wellbeing. Lean on support, protect your energy, and remember that healing isn’t linear. Implementing just one or two of these tips can help you start to feel more grounded.
If you’re in the early stages of your breakup download my free guide: ‘10 Simple secrets to let go of heartbreak and start moving on with your life after divorce’ It’s full of practical tips to help you get your life back on track as quickly as possible.
