If your confidence has suffered as a result of your breakup… you’re not alone.
After my divorce, my self-belief was at rock bottom. I second-guessed everything… even simple decisions… because I felt like I’d failed at one of the most important choices I’d ever made.
It’s not a great place to find yourself, but the good news is that there are things you can do to develop your confidence. It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you can build… step by step… with small actions that start to add up.
Confidence is your ability to believe in yourself and your strengths to succeed.
You feel happier when you’re more confident. When you feel better about your capabilities, you’re more energised and motivated to take action and achieve your goals – which is really helpful when trying to move on after your breakup
You don’t have to be an expert in something to feel confident. Many people hold themselves back from doing something because they wait until they think they’ll be confident – but that never happens. True confidence only comes from being brave and taking the action, and by repeatedly doing that you gain confidence.
9 Tips to increase your confidence after your breakup
Here are 9 ways to start building your confidence back up.
1. Make a list of all your achievements to date
List down everything you’re proud of that you’ve achieved since you were a kid. It doesn’t matter how small they might seem – like learning to ride a bike or passing an exam. Keep adding to the list over time and review it regularly. It reminds you of what you’ve managed to achieve in the past so helps you to be more confident about your future.
2. Break your goals down into smaller tasks
If you set a huge goal it will be completely overwhelming… you won’t know where to start… and it will cause you anxiety. Instead think of your goal as a ladder – with the ultimate goal right at the top and all the rungs below it, representing the smaller actions you need to take to achieve the goal.
3. Daily affirmations
These can be really powerful and help you to retrain your brain into thinking more positively, so you can get more of what you do want and less of what you don’t. Find the phrases that feel right for you, but a couple of examples could be ‘I’m worthy of having what I want’ or ‘I’m becoming a better version of myself every day. It’s actually been shown that writing down your affirmations can be more powerful than saying them, as there’s more of a connection between the hand movement and the brain.
4. Challenge your critical self-talk
We all do this, but you need to start becoming aware of it so that you can challenge your negative thinking and replace it with something more positive. Awareness is the key to making any changes in your life. If you find you’re criticising yourself or saying something negative – ask yourself if it’s really true, and what evidence there is for it. It’s likely that there isn’t any evidence, it’s just something you’re telling yourself. Reframe the statement and change it to something more positive.
5. Surround yourself with people who lift you up
You want to be spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself and cheer you on, rather than mood hoovers who bring you down and suck the energy out of you.
6. Act as if
If you start acting as if you’re confident, for example in your posture… make yourself bigger rather than smaller, with your voice… speaking slightly louder and making eye contact, then eventually you will start to feel it. Think about what qualities you would have if you were confident and take those on now.
7. Use visualisation
Top athletes use this all the time to visualise themselves winning their race or event. The brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. When you visualise something repeatedly you create new neural pathways in the brain, and it makes it happen. Imagine yourself on a giant movie screen doing, being or having, whatever it is you want and keep replaying that movie.
8. Dress well
How we dress can have a massive impact on how we feel. If you feel that you look good, this can really impact your mood, confidence and self-esteem. So, get out of those tracksuit bottoms and wear something that reflects how you want to be.
9. Social Media detox
With constant access to social media today it’s too easy to look at someone’s feed and feel like they’re living the perfect life compared to yours. Unfollow or unblock anyone who doesn’t make you feel good and follow accounts that inspire and uplift you instead.
To summarise
Breakups can shake your confidence to the core, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Confidence isn’t about being perfect or fearless – it’s about taking action, even when you’re unsure. Start by taking small steps and celebrate all your progress along the way. Surround yourself with what lifts you up, not what drags you down.
And remember: confidence grows when you do the thing, not when you wait to feel ready.
If your confidence has taken a knock after your breakup, download my free guide: ‘Reclaim your inner spark and find happiness again after your breakup’ Inside, you’ll find practical, bite-sized tips to help you rebuild your self-belief, boost your mood, and start feeling like yourself again.
