What forgiveness isn’t
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean excusing someone’s behavior or reconciling with them. And it certainly doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt.
What forgiveness is
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It’s a conscious decision to release resentment and stop carrying the weight of anger, bitterness, or revenge. You’re not letting someone off the hook – you’re letting yourself off their hook.
It’s a way of saying: “This pain happened, but it doesn’t get to rule me anymore.”
Forgiving your ex (or anyone who hurt you) can feel impossible – but staying stuck in resentment can quietly drain your energy, mood, and even your health. The good news? Forgiveness is something you can work towards… and benefit from… without needing anything from the other person.
It enables you to take back your power and recognise the pain you suffered – without letting it define you. It allows you to heal and move on with your life.
4 reasons to forgive and move on
These are some of the key benefits of choosing to forgive, even when it feels hard.
1. It improves your mental health
Without forgiveness you can stay stuck in the past, reliving the situation over and over again. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s being remembered from the past and what’s happening now – so it reconnects with all those negative emotions again. Not only that – it then automatically looks out for more negative experiences to reinforce that. Before you know it, your mood can spiral downwards leading to depression, stress and anxiety.
2. It improves your physical health
When you think of the person that’s hurt you – notice where you feel it in your body. You can literally feel it physically. It might be in your chest, your stomach, your throat or somewhere else in the body. When you’re angry it triggers the release of cortisol… the stress hormone… into your body. Over time this increases your risk of heart attacks and strokes and weakens your immune system.
3. It helps you to take your power back
Holding on to resentment, anger and bitterness doesn’t serve you. It just keeps you stuck in the past and in a victim mentality. By holding onto those feelings you’re not just punishing your ex, but also yourself. It’s possible that your ex isn’t even aware that you have all these negative emotions – so what’s the point harbouring all these feelings. Surely, it’s better just to get on with your life and show them what an amazing life you’re having?
4. It improves your relationships
if you’re holding on to a lot of anger and resentment it can easily take over your life and become all consuming. You can end up taking it out on other people just because they’re the closest to you – not because they deserve it. It also means you’re less trusting of other people which can have a detrimental effect on your relationships. It ends up affecting your judgement of everything and you view the world through a negative lens.
To summarise
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened. It means refusing to let that pain hold you hostage any longer. Whether you journal it out, write a letter you’ll never send, or focus on building a life you’re proud of, the choice to forgive is the choice to take your power back.
You deserve peace. You deserve freedom from the past. And only you can give that to yourself.
If you’re ready to move on with your life download my free guide: ‘Make divorce the best thing that’s ever happened to you‘. It’s packed with practical tips, mindset shifts, and simple steps to help you rebuild your confidence and create a future you’re excited about.
