Valentine’s Day was one I always dreaded after my divorce. As well as all the hype around the day itself, it was the anniversary of the day I got together with my husband at a university ball. So, it was a stark reminder of what I’d ‘lost’.
I couldn’t bear walking past all the card shops with the valentine’s displays in. Or seeing all the adverts on TV for THE perfect gift you should be buying for your Valentine. And even doing the weekly shop was a reminder with all the Valentine’s Day meal deals! I literally couldn’t get away from it…
But after a few years I noticed that it didn’t bother me anymore because I was so busy living my life and loving every minute of it. I realised that I wasn’t stuck in the past anymore. Instead, I was out there living the next chapter of my life and focusing on my future.
And this can be you too. It starts by just taking one small step forward. which puts you back in control. There’s so much you can do to change your life, but it starts with you taking responsibility for your own life and your own happiness. No one else is responsible for your happiness.
So, this Valentine’s Day… instead of focusing on the past and what you’ve supposedly ‘lost’…. focus on YOU and show yourself some love.
8 ways you can start showing yourself some love on Valentine’s Day
1. Order yourself a gift or flowers
Celebrate yourself and how amazing you are. Send a message with the gift telling yourself how loved and fabulous you are. Send yourself your favourite flowers or buy that thing you’ve had your eye on for ages. Make yourself feel special and treat yourself.
2. Arrange a girls’ night out
Even though you’re single, you don’t have to spend the day on your own. Arrange dinner, drinks and cocktails or a comedy night with your friends – whatever it is you love to do. Think about what brings you joy and happiness and who the people are that you love to be with, that light you up and make you feel good about yourself. Show yourself you’re worth it and make the effort to dress up.
3. Organise a pamper session for yourself
Make the time to pamper yourself with your favourite products. Treat yourself to something you love or have never bought yourself before. Get rid of any distractions and have some time just for you. Self-care should be a priority, not just a treat
4. Watch your favourite movie or series
Engross yourself in TV for the evening, without feeling guilty about all the chores you ‘should’ be doing. Make the room nice and cosy with beautiful candles and have your favourite chocolate or popcorn on hand.
5. Write a list of everything you love about yourself
I know this probably won’t be easy, but it’s so important to start recognising everything you bring to the World. If it feels too overwhelming, start with a few simple things and add to it over the coming weeks. You could also ask your friends and family what they love about you to get you started.
6. Write a gratitude list
It can be too easy for us to focus on what we don’t have in our life, rather than appreciate everything we have in front of us. Gratitude is a great way to boost our mood and calm all the negative emotions we may be experiencing. Start by listing down everything you can think of that you’re grateful for and add to the list every time you think of something else over the next week. Make sure you take the time to actually feel the gratitude rather than just using this as a tick box exercise. It’s been scientifically proven that writing a list of 3 things you’re grateful for every day for 3 weeks can improve your mood.
7. Take a break from social media
Constantly comparing yourself to other people on social media doesn’t do your mental health any good. It’s too easy to go down a rabbit hole of comparison. People only post on social media what they want you to see, and there will be plenty of photos of the so-called perfect couples around on Valentine’s Day. Take a break and focus on yourself and what you want instead.
8. Do some exercise
If you can get out in nature, even better. Exercising releases all those endorphins which give you the ‘feel good factor’. Do something that you enjoy and just involves moving your body as a minimum, even if it’s just a 10-minute walk outside or dancing to your favourite song in the kitchen.
To summarise
Try and keep it in perspective. It’s just one day of the year that’s loaded with expectations and it will pass.
Be proactive and take control of the situation.
Focus on celebrating you, and what you have to be grateful for in your life. Think about where you want to be this time next year and start taking steps to make that happen.
Ready to shift the focus back to YOU this Valentine’s Day?
Download my free guide: ‘Reclaim your inner spark and find happiness again after your breakup’. It’s full of tips to help you reconnect with who you are outside of your relationship, rebuild your confidence, and start feeling like you again.
This is your reminder that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
